alexisfiasco

Today I made 3 postcards for postsecret. Now I just need to see if I'll actually send them.

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as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. you will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. you'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. you'll fight with your best friend. you'll blame a new love for things an old one did. you'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. so take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt - because every sixty seconds you spend upset, is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.....

this week has been tough.

and there are neat people on there :)

well i never loved you more, than when you set yourself free.

FREE. Just 22 days. Can't even describe how ecstatic yet terrified I am. I know its going to be really hard, but hopefully I am prepared enough. I'm worried about my carpal tunnel coming back.  I'm going to have to be really careful not to over do it, basically just practice smart, and not be such a myspace/facebook junkie :) I'm soo incredibly unprepared for the actual move though, but that just adds to the excitement cause I like doing things last minute, I'm less likely to forget things then anyways. This month feels like its taking forever though. August 14th is my eighteenth birthday, then on August 16th my friends and I are having our goodbye party, our last hooray. And then we will all be going our seperate ways. I think its finally starting to hit me. I hope I am ready for this. I hope I can accomplish everything I want to. I just ready for my live to start. Can it be now please?

baby i'm broken
glue me together
keep me going

Confused. Got AP scores today. Bombed all of them. Made me rethink alot of things. I only got a 3 on the Music Theory Test. Tired of being a dumb AP kid. I should have just gone and been a smart regular kid. Rethinking this whole music therapy thing. Music just doesn't seem to fix things like it used to. I don't wanna play shows anymore. It never feels like anyone's listening. Sure they may be listening to the overall musicness, but no one is actually listening to the words. I'm tired of fucking Vanilla Moose. It was funny like the first 5 times, and now it's just old. Whenever I have a show or am anywhere with a guitar and my friends are around all they wanna hear is Vanilla Moose. It makes me feel like the songs I write don't mean anything, like they aren't good enough. I'm tired of feeling like that, so I just don't think I'm gonna play shows anymore. I'm not even that good anyways, which makes me wonder about the whole music therapy deal. How I am supposed to help people if I can't even help myself?
Everything hurts, and I'm just tired of it all.

life has a habit of trying to pass by
just get stuck in moments
grab control of your mind
your just caught in the devils snare
wasting the days away
you refuse to forgive
refuse to forget
so here you'll stay

I can't give up this feeling
Never felt so free
I'm just riding on the wind
Floating aimlessly
And its like I've felt the sun for the very first time
Just soaking up the rays
Never felt so alive
........

1. Graduate from NAU in 4 years with degrees in Music Education and Psycology
2. Graduate with a 3.5 or above
3. Keep my job at Hot Topic and get promoted to manager during the 4 years mentioned above
4. Go to NYU to get my doctorate in music therapy


more to come, but those are the main ones right now

"I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."

So this might sound dumb to some people, but I have really crazy PMS. It scares me sometimes. Sometimes it's so bad that I get suicidal. And I know that I feel that way because of the PMS but it's scary nonetheless. I'm just waiting for the day when something really bad happens at the same time my PMS hits and I really end up killing myself. Cause even if at the time I tell myself its just the PMS it's still crazy intense emotions.
I want to go out tonight, but no one invited me to go to First Friday. And my friends are going to the mall but I really don't wanna go to the mall since I work there.
The pill was supposed to help with my PMS symptoms but it really doesn't do anything, maybe after my body gets used to it, but right now its still scary.

shane and i broke up. he's not moving here anymore, and he already has a new girlfriend. i know its expected for us to move on, but i didn't think it would be so quick. i'm fine with it for the most part, but i don't wanna sit there and watch so i deleted him off my facebook. he kept posting all these obnoxious statuses about her and i just couldn't stand it. i thought for once that i met something to someone. it probably wouldn't have worked out if he moved here anyways but i just feel cheap being replaced so easily.
can't wait till NAU.